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New SLC members sworn in at final meeting of fall semester

By Tina Shaygan, December 6 2017 — (With files from Derek Baker) The Dec. 5 Students’ Legislative Council meeting — the final one of the fall semester — began with the swearing in of the new Faculty of Arts and Faculty of Veterinary Medicine representatives, Sheliza Ismail and Julie Choi, respectively. Both positions were recently…

Your future involves you taking a winter vacation

By Derek Baker, December 4 2017 —   Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) While on an Alaskan cruise, you’ll break into the ship’s cockpit and play “My Heart Will Go On” over the intercom. The crew won’t find this funny, promptly throwing you off the back of the boat. No penny whistle solo will…

Stör to start selling caffeine IV drips

By Derek Baker, November 30 2017 — As the end of the semester nears, so too do paper deadlines and final exams. Whether it be from pulling all-nighters or stress, the increased workload causes many students to lose sleep and drowsily stumble to their morning classes. However, Stör has come up with a solution. Starting next week,…

Councillor Colley-Urquhart elected mayor of Antarctic penguin colony

By Derek Baker, November 28 2017 — Calgary city councillor Diane Colley-Urquhart has come under fire after a string of recent council meeting absences. The Ward 13 councillor recently returned from an attempted Antarctic cruise to the surprise of councillors and the mayor on Monday morning. However, the true nature of the trip has now…

What does your astrological animal say about your week?

By Derek Baker, November 27 2017 — Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) You have been blessed with a horse-like feature. Unfortunately, it’s your face.   Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) What animal even is your sign? Some sort of whale-antelope hybrid? Cool. Your sign signifies how angsty and misunderstood you will feel this week….

Safe injection sites should not require federal approval

By Derek Baker, November 20 2017 — Drug addictions should be treated like health issues, not criminal issues. Unfortunately, the way our governments currently operate suggests the narrative in Canada is still that addictions should be punished. On Oct. 27, Health Canada approved Calgary’s first supervised consumption site, and it’s being implemented at the downtown…

Your future looks very, very cold

By Derek Baker, October 31 2017 —   Scorpio  (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) A Christmas song will play on the radio this week. You will deliberately crash your car to make it stop.   Sagittarius  (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) It will be so cold out that your hand will stick to the metal…

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