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Calgary prepares to host 2015 Netflix Olympics in lieu of 2026 bid

By Jill Girgulis, September 29 2015 —

Despite rumours of Calgary submitting a bid for the 2026 Winter Olympics, city council recently announced their plan to host an alternative marquee event. While taxpayers are surely disappointed, they can take comfort in the fact that Calgary was recently named as the host of the upcoming 2015 Netflimpics.

This international event takes place from Oct. 5 until the end of midterms. It features medal events in four different disciplines: Friends speedwatching, the workplace sitcom marathon, the Shondaland triathalon — comprised of back-to-back viewings of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder — and the marquee event, the American Netflix sprint.

During the American Netflix sprint, competitors will race to download the Hola extension for Google Chrome and open content unique to various international Netflix servers. Competitors earn extra points for the obscurity of programs found and number of tabs simultaneously open.

Netflix Canada spokesperson Adam Friesen is optimistic about the event.

“I don’t see a difference between watching elite athletes push the limits of their physical capabilities and watching the world’s best Netflixers push the limits of their procrastination,” Friesen said.

The inaugural Netflimpics were held in 2012 in a sullen teen’s basement in California. 2015 marks the first time the games are held in Canada.

“It’s a pretty big deal in the Netflix community that we snagged the Netflimpics. Who knew the world was so jealous of Canadian Netflix?” Friesen said. “I mean, we do have Star Trek: The Next Generation, so the power of the trekkies is on our side.”

The official mascot of the event is rumoured to be the popular “Doge” meme in a red “Much Watch, So Streaming” t-shirt. The top three athletes in each category will be awarded one-month coupons for Netflix access from their country of choice.

Friesen is excited about the competition he organized in the 15-second intervals between Friends episodes.

“I’m totally stoked for the entire games, but mostly the
American Netflix sprint,” Friesen said. “Netflix promised to stream the entire race.”

The event will feature a direct showdown between the two biggest names in competitive online television streaming, Jane Grommell of Canada and Martha Spencer from the United States.

“Those two have been screen-to-screen all season,” Friesen said.

Both women have been dedicated Netflix subscribers since their first university ECON 201 class.

“I heard Grommell switched up her training regime,” Friesen said. “She packs in six full-hour episodes, two movies, and then eight 30-minute shows, three times a day, six days a week.”

Grommell confirmed her extensive preparations.

“It’s no biggie — I usually watch shows on my tablet, laptop, phone, and the screen of the kid sitting in front of me in my POLI 341 lecture,” she said.

When Spencer was approached for comment, her manager spoke on behalf of the star.

“She can’t talk right now — Netflix just added Season 10 of Bones.”

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