Humour

What mishap will befall you on Bermuda Shorts Day?

By Frankie Hart, April 12 2017 — Aries (March 21 – April 19) A peer will throw up on your shirt. If the resulting shape resembles a heart, it’s a good sign for your love life. If it’s a dollar sign, financial success is on the way. If it’s a skull, throw that shirt out…

Very accurate astrological predictions for your final assignment

By Derek Baker, April 3 2018 — Aries (March 21 – April 19) After scrambling to finish an assignment late into the night before it’s due, you’ll forget it on the printer tray while packing up the next morning, causing you to still get a late penalty anyway.   Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Your professor…

City Council proposes divine intervention to pay for Olympics

By Evan Lewis, March 27 2018 — The formal bidding process for the 2026 Winter Olympics will begin any day now and Calgary City Council is still working to persuade citizens that it’s worth the cost. Requests have been made to the provincial and federal government for funding the Games, with uncertain feedback. As a…

Four tips to survive living in residence

By Lucas Vautour, March 20 2018 — Students living in residence persevere through many struggles. Whether it’s a Community Advisor pounding on the door for your noisy habits or having to walk from your dorm to Domino’s in the freezing cold, life is tough in res. Follow these four tips to help make your life…

Best places to nap on campus

By Tina Shaygan, March 20 2018 — Looks like you only got three hours of sleep last night — again. Sleep deprivation is a leading cause of stress for post-secondary students and we consistently suffer from a lack of sleep. Hoping to contribute to your terrible sleeping habits, the Gauntlet found the top spots on…

Top places to dump someone on campus

By Danial Kazmi, March 14 2018 — You’re sick of your relationship and you don’t know what to do about it. It’s driving you crazy. You wanted to break up weeks ago but your friends said that it’s taboo to break up with someone so close to Valentine’s Day. They’re dumb. Ignore them. Just put…

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