Humour

Asshole crunches every leaf on campus, leaving none for rest of us

By Riley Martens, October 12 2018 — The recently fallen leaves that have blanketed the ground with the arrival of autumn on campus have provided a new way to de-stress on campus. “It’s really nice seeing all the different colours on the ground,” Veronica Cronch, a second-year psychology student said. “With the rising stress of…

What cryptic encounter will you have this month?

By Frankie Hart, October 5 2018 — Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) While navigating around a blocked-off part of campus, a construction worker will approach you and ask if you can lend a hand. After you respond that you’re simply not qualified, they’ll become insistent and build you into the new MacKimmie Tower. What a…

Student gets turkey stuck on head during Thanksgiving

By Frankie Hart, October 5 2018 — First-year student Theresa Tacchino returned from her visit home from the holidays with a new look. During Thanksgiving, a fight broke out in her family over cranberry jelly, escalating to a point where her brother grabbed the turkey and slammed it over his sister’s head. The family became panicked…

University of Calgary to reward good driving in Arts Parkade

By Kristy Koehler, October 5 2018 — In an effort to improve mental wellbeing on the University of Calgary campus, the school is now incentivizing good driving in the Arts Parkade. Drivers who at least try to exercise caution, actually look for pedestrians while going around corners, stop at stop signs, park within the lines and…

University of Calgary unveils ‘High Eyes’ strategy

By Sara Albright, September 30 2018 — In conjunction with the recent legalization of cannabis, the University of Calgary has announced that it is now taking a relaxed and non-committal stance with its latest strategic plan — ‘High Eyes.’ The strategy is stepping back from the Eyes High goal of becoming a top-five research university in…

Antiphở make presence known on campus

By Matty Hume, September 28 2018 — A group of about a dozen protestors dressed in all black gathered for a demonstration in MacHall following the placement of a series of posters on the University of Calgary campus that read, “Keep Noodles Vermicelli.” The protestors, who called themselves Antiphở, made it clear that they believed the…

Engineering student decides to abandon studies, live as a goblin

By David Stewart, September 27 2018 — Undergraduate student Martin Mecklinburg has decided to leave his studies behind to take up the life of a goblin. “I’ve never felt more free,” Mecklinburg said while adjusting his evergreen tunic. “My whole life has led me here.” Mecklinburg, a third-year civil engineering student, came to this conclusion…

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