Humour

B.C. to build giant curtain around Port of Vancouver, save ocean

By Derek Baker, March 1 2018 — In the wake of the current pipeline dispute between Alberta and British Columbia, the Pacific Province has taken another extraordinary step in protecting the environment. Plans have been put in place to build giant curtains around the Port of Vancouver to make it easier to turn a blind eye to…

Very real astrological predictions

By Matty Hume, February 28 2018 — Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) Ahh, the fish month. You’ll be the first person on earth to actually buy a Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Ram rhymes with ham. Ham comes from pigs. I think you’re gonna get a pet pig this month….

Best places to cry on campus

By Gagan Mann, February 27 2018 — Every student has experienced a breakdown on campus. If you claim that you haven’t, you’re probably lying. Whether it’s exam season or you’re working on a big paper, there are always a bucket or two of tears ready to go behind every student’s eyes. And if you’ve avoided…

Calgary Transit to replace all routes with dog sleds

By Devin Aggarwal, February 15 2018  — The City of Calgary is getting a much-needed upgrade to its transit network for rest of the winter. Following the success of a recent pilot program, city council decided Monday to replace many of the bus and LRT routes currently in place by several dog sled teams.   The teams,…

Where will you be on Valentine’s Day? Our horoscopes know!

By Frankie Hart, February 14 2018 — Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Upon realizing all of your female friends actually have a Valentine, you will spend “Galentine’s Day” with your favourite cat. Paws before bras. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) Since there are only a few more days until Reading Week, you’ll decide…

Your future looks to be a very, very sexy time

By Tina Shaygan, February 7, 2018 — Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Your partner, who has already broken up with you 25 times, will break up with you again, making it the least shocking thing to happen this month. You shouldn’t need this horoscope — everyone told you this would happen. Pisces (Feb. 19…

Advanced sexting emojis

By Frankie Hart, February 7 2018 — The world of sexting is difficult to traverse, from the whimsical heights of the wordplay mountains to the terrifying depths of the dick-pic caves. This mysterious land is expanded even further thanks to the greatest gift to phone-kind — emojis. If you already thought sexting was hard, try to…

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