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Humour

Abandon all hope, ye who work in restaurants

By Kristy Koehler, April 23 2019 — Over the years, I’ve made my way through the circles of restaurant Hell, where customers snap their fingers to get your attention, food ‘critics’ slam you online for not having organic kale and everyone is allergic to everything. This job is the pits. Welcome to Dante’s Diner —…

How did you spend this Bermuda Shorts Day?

By Frankie Hart, April 13 2019 — Aries (March 21 – April 19) Out of hatred for the tendency of BSD to overshadow your birthday, you rented out Lot 32 and threw a birthday rager of epic proportions, which further slashed BSD attendance. The obvious change in student interest will pressure the Students’ Union to…

University of Calgary humanizes brand, goes emo

By Frankie Hart, April 5 2019 — The University of Calgary appears to have pivoted to a new branding strategy — and as a result, has turned emo. The Eyes Lined strategy was implemented as part of a collaboration between administration and the Haskayne School of Business. The strategy coordinator, Stanley Twiddle, explained that the…

Vote in the MacHall Madness finals

March 2019 — Sixteen competitors entered the MacHall Madness bracket, but only one vendor can reign supreme. Vote for your favourite campus spots to eat throughout March! Winners will be announced on the Gauntlet’s social media pages. Round four is now open! In the west, Bake Chef beat Opa with 67 per cent of the vote. In…

How will you get #pranked this April Fool’s?

By Frankie Hart, April 1 2019 — Aries (March 21 – April 19) You’ll check your bank account and see it’s at $420.69. Nice. Oh wait, shit, make that -$420.69. Oof. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) In a moment of pure karma, your childhood days of pranking will culminate in you being egged and…

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