Humour

Your future is cooler than cool — it’s ice cold

By Derek Baker, March 14 2017 —   Pisces  (Feb. 19 – March 20) You will accidentally leave the heating pad on your bed plugged in all day. Alongside the obvious fire hazard, you will burn your ass when you crawl into bed that night. Aries  (March 21 – April 19) You will lick a…

How to cope when the Wi-Fi conks out

By Derek Baker, March 7 2017 —  Last Friday, March 3 saw the University of Calgary’s wireless networks go down for the majority of the day — again. Frustration mounted as students were unable to connect their devices to Wi-Fi, bringing the school on the verge erupting into anarchic chaos. If the Wi-Fi ever crashes…

And so it all goes to shit

By Melanie Woods, March 7 2017 — The Gauntlet elected a new Editor-in-Chief on March 7. By “elected,” of course we mean already forgot about. Of the two candidates, Jason Herring eeked out a narrow victory over Tree in what many see as a shocking upset. Tree’s platform included rational, well-informed points such as “dependable?”,…

Jughead’s take on Riverdale

By Jill Girgulis, March 7 2017 — This is the story of a boy. Once wholesome and innocent, he is now forever changed by a new CW show. The boy in question is Archie Andrews. Those familiar with Archie Comics’ know that this freckle-faced redhead is wholly undeserving of an entire TV show of his…

Your future is dull with your new Students’ Union representatives

By Drew Thomas, March 7 2017 — Pisces  (Feb. 19 – March 20) You will soon come into a plethora of free food from SU gimmicks. Also, your new SU rep will do absolutely nothing to affect your day-to-day life. But hey — free pizza. Aries  (March 21 – April 19) The dead-eyed, ever unblinking…

SU general election hacked by Russia

By Scott Strasser, March 7 2017 — University of Calgary Students’ Union officials are investigating allegations that the 2017 general election was hacked by the Student’s Association of Mount Russia University (SAMRU). After hours of investigation, members of the SU’s IT department confirmed that espionage units from SAMRU posed as U of C students in order…

Trash Dove meme doesn’t reflect millennials’ struggle

By Joie Atejira, February 28 2017 — The 2017 meme calendar continues to update, with Salt Bae claiming top spot for the month of January. Smart Guy Pointing at His Head and Blinking White Guy were considered February front-runners, but there is another meme competing for the top spot this month, destabilizing the meme scale…

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