By Frankie Hart, March 15 2019 —
It’s roll-up-the-rim — that time of year when you buy way more Tims than you would normally out of the naïve hope that maybe, this time, you’ll actually win. And then you don’t. And then you don’t again. What is one to do with all these empty cups? Fear not, loser. We have a few ideas:
A neat hat:
The easiest way to have fun with your cup is to flip it upside down and wear it as a quirky hat! Pro tip: Be sure to drink the entire contents of the cup before using it as a hat.
A toy for your niece:
Present your gift to your sibling’s child, their precious flesh and blood. Your sibling will look at you with annoyance and ask, “What’s she supposed to do with a cup?” Adults these days. No imagination. Back in my day, we didn’t need this fancy-dancy technology to entertain our children. We would be so lucky to have a paper cup to play with.
Matching friendship bracelets for your BFF:
Simply cut rings out of the already circular cup and write “best” and “friends” on the respective bracelets in sharpie. Cute, stylish and affordable? That’s what I call a triple threat.
A cute duck:
Aw, what a cute little guy. Make sure to not put him in water or you’ll lose your new friend!
Incorporate into your crust-punk pants:
Cut off your rolled-up “Please Play Again” message. Using a thread and dental floss, sew into your pants wherever you think the message would be funniest. Maybe on your butt?
Some sort of macramé, glitter, watercolour abomination that somehow has fringe incorporated into it:
Pinterest was a mistake.
Finally, a female just the way you want her. You can make her look however you’d like without that pesky personality and human sentience getting in the way.
A one-to-one re-creation of the Ford COMPASS Compact SUV:
Obsessing over the design and construction for weeks, you finally unveil your brand new car! It has an interior of paper cups and an exterior of plastic lids. With an engine incapable of running, it boasts a horse power of zero. Why did you do this?
A gigantic mega-cup:
Combine all your losing cups into a towering behemoth of a cup and demand that Tim Hortons fill it to the brim for the price of a single ‘large.’ “You have slighted me for the last time, Timothy!” you bellow, stomping your foot and frightening all the other customers. The employees will have no choice but to do your bidding and declare you the new Tim Horton, owner of all Tim Hortons franchises.