Engineering student decides to abandon studies, live as a goblin

By David Stewart, September 27 2018 —

Undergraduate student Martin Mecklinburg has decided to leave his studies behind to take up the life of a goblin.

“I’ve never felt more free,” Mecklinburg said while adjusting his evergreen tunic. “My whole life has led me here.”

Mecklinburg, a third-year civil engineering student, came to this conclusion in the back booth of the Den this past Wednesday over a plate of honey garlic wings.

“I had just come from a Dungeons and Dragons meeting. I was making a new character — Olrick the Conniving — when I just got lost in my mind,” Mecklinburg said, closing his eyes with peace. “I asked myself, ‘Who am I? What do I want my life to become?’ I looked at my character sheet and realized that I was looking at myself. I am a goblin!”

Mecklinburg says the student life hadn’t felt right for him.

“I was quite depressed with classes and midterms for a while. Then last year I considered an elven way of life, but I don’t have the cunning or wisdom. This summer I thought I’d found my calling as a shaman or low-level warlock but it still wasn’t right. I did learn a lot about card tricks.”

Mecklinburg recalls that his friends were less supportive than he wanted.

“They think I’m giving up my future prospects, but I know what I want. It makes sense. I’ve always enjoyed mining, and I’m a terrific minion. I just need to find my master.”

He has also hung flyers around campus to encourage others to join his goblin commune, hoping to establish a profitable mine.

When asked about if his decision was influenced by Halloween, Mecklinburg was taken aback.

“Let me make this clear — this has nothing to do with Halloween,” he said. “This is about being myself in a world of chaos and turmoil. Also getting up to nefarious schemes from the comfort of my underground lair.”

This article is part of our humour section.