By Jill Girgulis, March 1 2016 —
University will teach you a lot. However, the most critical information you will extract from an undergraduate degree is how to procrastinate effectively. Here are some activities you should probably try before you buckle down and start studying for tomorrow’s 8:00 a.m. microbiology midterm.
Start a blog: There’s never a wrong time to start posting random updates about your mundane life on the Internet for the entire world to see. “Lost my 20th roll-up-the-rim :(” and “Got to pet six dogs on my way home from school!” is the kind of quality content people need to see.
Plant something: Steal seeds from a second-grader’s science fair project and patiently wait several weeks for your little miracle to grow. Always keep the seedling within arm’s reach. Never let it leave your sight. Water it with the tears of an honours biochemistry student. Fair warning — the plant may score better than you on your next midterm.
Start a collection: It doesn’t matter what you collect — misprinted nickels, Sia wigs, the heads of your enemies — but it’s critical that you constantly talk about it with everyone that you meet. I bet the guy sitting next to you in your linguistics midterm would love to learn about how many millimetres off-centre Queen Elizabeth has to be in order to consider the coin a mistake.
Get married: Why not? It’s not like you’re getting any younger. Remember that cute girl on the C-train who smiled — or grimaced, it wasn’t totally clear — at your Power Rangers backpack? Marry her. The same goes for that guy who didn’t outwardly laugh when you walked straight into a glass door. The two of you are clearly soul mates who should get engaged immediately.