By Lucas Vautour, March 20 2018 —
Students living in residence persevere through many struggles. Whether it’s a Community Advisor pounding on the door for your noisy habits or having to walk from your dorm to Domino’s in the freezing cold, life is tough in res. Follow these four tips to help make your life a little bit easier.
Though your life may be a mess, at least try to keep some semblance of organization in your room. Collect your abundant tears into a cup to prevent the spread of bacteria. Throw your textbooks in the corner and cover them up with a blanket and ignore your responsibilities. Take your empties to the bottle depot to scrounge some change to put towards getting out of this place.
Remove your nose:
Does the smell of BO, alcohol, pot and garbage make you queasy? There’s a quick and cheap solution available. Amputate your smeller. Just cut it right off — you don’t need it. Studies show that the complete removal of your nose decreases the detection of unwanted smells by more than 99.9 per cent.
Be a few years older:
A major cause of stress and anxiety when in residence is inexperience. For many, living in residence has a lot of firsts — first time living away from family, first time having a roommate or first time having to remind yourself to brush your teeth. Fortunately, this can be easily remedied — being a few years older than you are now will result in an increase overall wisdom. Even if that’s not the case, at least you can pretend.
Stay out entirely:
The easiest way to avoid the negative elements of residence is, surprisingly enough, not living there. That’s right! Living in residence is the leading cause of all residence-related stresses. So logically, not living in residence solves all related issues. See ya later, Rundle!
This article is part of our humour section.