Hallways: get it together, people

By Aymen Sherwani, October 4 2018 —

Hallways. We’ve all been there, coffee in hand, walking half-asleep to our 8 a.m. classes every day until we graduate. Fortunately, the University of Calgary has a clever network of tunnels that are an orderly and efficient way to get to class.

Oh wait, no they’re not. They’re the exact opposite. We’re walking through hell. Hallways on campus are populated by three types of people — the clueless ones walking on the left side of the hall (this isn’t Britain), the aggressive people walking on the right side and the monsters.

First of all, for everyone who thinks hallways are a good place to hug and make conversation with your high school friends that you haven’t seen in a week, I simply ask, ‘Why?’ Do you also get out of your car and make casual conversation on the highway? Is it the 16th century and you’ve forgotten what they look like because they’ve been on a boat for eight months? Shoot them a text to ask them to catch up at a later time. Don’t make others wait for 10 seconds, hoping that you’ll move on, before eventually needing to rage-walk through your huddle.

And if you’re one of the ‘those people’ that insist on showing your public displays of affection between classes, you’re dead to me. You’re in my way when I’m trying to get to a class on the other side of the campus. Holding hands is a terrible idea in a two-lane hallway, where people have to shimmy along the wall to get around you and your significant other. I’ve actually encountered some couples that give me dirty looks when I try to move around them, which makes me wonder why they’re treating a hallway like their own personal park.

And don’t even get me started on making out, because nothing sets the mood for my panicked urgency to make it to class like interrupting a good ol’ tonsil hockey session happening near my locker. They’re going to their respective classes, not being shipped off to the navy. I’d tell them to get a room but all the rooms in the TFDL have glass walls. For now, just make sure you’re not eating each other’s faces off during the only 10 minutes people have to make it to class.

At this point, the only semi-consolation prize is that in a few weeks, people will be too tired to even show up to campus unless it’s for a midterm. Until then, be courteous of the people around you when navigating the spaces we use to traverse across campus.