Photo by Justin Quaintance

How to ease your way into the world of BDSM

By Lady Marmalade, February 14 2017 —

For people tired of a vanilla sex life, there are some easy ways to ease into a kinkier side without going full dominatrix-sex-dungeon — unless that’s what you want, in which case — hell yeah.

BDSM — bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism — is a comprehensive lifestyle for some. But it also consists of simple tricks and activities that people can incorporate into their sex life. Here are some tried and true ways to spice up your sex life without maxing out your pain threshold.

Dirty talk:

While this doesn’t necessarily fall into the category of BDSM, it works nicely to introduce you to some more verbal — and possibly physical — sexual activities. It also provides an opportunity to explore what you and your partner might like to try, to discuss fantasies and build up anticipation before you even start having sex. If done correctly, dirty talk can add to experiences of foreplay and heighten sexual energy during intercourse. If you feel shy or nervous about being vocal, try just starting a conversation about what turns you on or what kinds of things you’d like to try next time you’re having sex. Practice makes perfect — the more you talk dirty with your partner, the better you will get. Don’t feel embarrassed talking about what you want to do or have done to you.

Lots and lots of foreplay:

Like dirty talk, foreplay helps build tension and anticipation before sex. Foreplay that doesn’t always end in sex will do wonders for your imagination and will create sexual frustration that — once satisfied — will really make the act worth the wait. Even little grabs and touches here and there before things get intimate will get your partner thinking about sex and build anticipation.

Sexting:

Sexting is a foolproof way to get your partner thinking about that dirty weekend you’re about to spend together. It might even make them want to rush over on a school night between textbook readings. The great thing about sexting is that you can ease into it and chat back and forth about what you’d like to do or you can send one message that will hopefully be enough to spark your partner’s imagination. Talking to your partner over text about rougher sex is a great way to explore each other’s boundaries about how far you’re willing to go. If all else fails, send a nude. That’ll get the message across.

Small steps to rougher sex:

When you’re still unsure of a partner’s sexual boundaries, there are some small moves you can try to test the waters and find what is pleasurable for both of you. This could range from light hair pulling and spanking to moves that are a little bit rougher like pressure on the neck and biting. You can also go to your local sex shop and pick up some simple materials like ropes and fuzzy pink handcuffs that are still goofy enough to not be taken too seriously. Keep in mind that BDSM doesn’t always have to include pain. Tickling and teasing are other fantastic ways to heighten anticipation and arousal without leaving a mark.

Consent is key when pushing the boundaries in a sexual relationship. As long as you are open and communicating, you can have lots of fun trying out simple ways to liven up your sex life and get kinky.

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