By Melanie Woods, October 25 2016 —
Whether it’s asking for an extension on the eve of the deadline, inquiring about notes from a class you missed or looking to book a meeting outside of office hours, we’ve all had to e-mail a professor at some point in our university education. But there’s always uncertainty in how formally you should sign off and whether “sincerely,” “regards” or “from” is the best way to go. To help, here are five ways to sign off e-mails to your professors.
Share an e-mail toast with your professor. As they perceive this sign-off as a light-hearted yet formal gesture, you will know the real truth. Raise a glass of that shitty $8 white wine you were stress-drinking under your desk in the TFDL and cheers the possibility of a paper extension. Then return to weeping softly.
Usually reserved for e-mails asking your parents for more money, signing off your correspondence to your professors with “love” will create a special intimacy. Your professor will be so confused and uncomfortable with your sudden exclamation of feelings that they will surely grant whatever it is you’re asking for. Bonus points if you accidentally refer to them as “mom” or “dad” in lecture.
The lyrics to Outkast’s “Hey Ya!”
Remind your professor that your baby don’t mess around cause she loves you so and that you know this fo sho. Ask to schedule a meeting in office hours by telling them that we get together, but separate’s always better when there’s feelings involved. The smooth lyricism of André 3000 will have your professor shaking it like a Polaroid picture.
“Look, there’s a clown behind you.”
Sign off your e-mail by reminding your professor that a clown can be watching them at every turn. Is a clown actually watching them right now? Probably not, but that fear should exist in their hearts and you can help remind them of that. Your e-mail sign-off will remind your professor to be just a little more vigilant, as — much like that deadline you’re trying to get out of — the clowns feast at midnight.
Let your professor know your true state of being by screaming endlessly into the void over e-mail. On the Internet, no one can hear you scream but everyone can read it. Finish off a well-composed e-mail to your prof with your true feelings about academia.
This article is part of our humour section.