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Which SU election campaign poster are you, spiritually?

By Frankie Hart, March 6 2018 — You’ve seen them everywhere on your way to classes. Thousands of sets of eyes stare at you while traversing MacHall. You’ve contemplated your choices for the positions, but one crucial question remains — which campaign poster are you, spiritually? Which one really gets you? Take this quiz to…

Where will you be on Valentine’s Day? Our horoscopes know!

By Frankie Hart, February 14 2018 — Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Upon realizing all of your female friends actually have a Valentine, you will spend “Galentine’s Day” with your favourite cat. Paws before bras. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) Since there are only a few more days until Reading Week, you’ll decide…

Advanced sexting emojis

By Frankie Hart, February 7 2018 — The world of sexting is difficult to traverse, from the whimsical heights of the wordplay mountains to the terrifying depths of the dick-pic caves. This mysterious land is expanded even further thanks to the greatest gift to phone-kind — emojis. If you already thought sexting was hard, try to…

TFDL temporarily closes after cryptocurrency mining accident

By Frankie Hart, January 31 2018 — A small electrical fire broke out this morning on the third floor of the Taylor Family Digital Library. After a brief investigation, staff discovered that the fire resulted from overheating computers that were being used in an extensive cryptocurrency mining operation. The cryptocurrency project was a combined effort…

Zipper-worshiping cult discovered on campus

By Frankie Hart, September 26 2017 — Last Friday, a student who has been missing for several semesters was discovered bloodied and bruised under the Prairie Chicken. The student has requested their personal details be omitted and that they be referred to only as “Disciple Zippy.” Zippy claims to have escaped from a group called…

What trashy Buzzfeed quiz should you take next?

By Frankie Hart, September 19 2017 — It’s 3 a.m. and your alarm will ring in a few hours. You haven’t even started the paper that’s due at 9. Unfortunately, you’ve stumbled into an endless hole of Buzzfeed quizzes. You NEED to find out what Disney princess drawn as a fruit represents your soul. Little…

What kind of first-year student are you?

By Frankie Hart, September 14 2017 — This year’s Orientation Week welcomed thousands of first-year students to campus. The event is a University of Calgary tradition that prepares new students for campus life. Based on your decisions throughout O-Week, how have you started off your first year at the U of C?  

Thesaurus unlocks unrestrained potential for English major

By Frankie Hart, March 28 2017 — Long-retired are the days of mediocre essay grades for first-year English student Arthur Doyle. After discovering the absolute capacity of an elementary, commonplace, prosaic thesaurus, Doyle announced that he has found the nexus of academic prosperity. “I’d invariably known it was a resource feasible to us, but at…

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