Recovering from the breakup blues

By Lady Marmalade, September 5 2017 —

If you’ve ever been in love, you’ve probably also fallen out of love. It happens. A lot. And to almost everyone. Breakups are really, really hard. And unfortunately, there is no quick fix for a broken heart — that shit takes a while. Whether you’re the dumped or the dumper, transitioning out of a relationship takes time and a lot of work. It’s inconvenient, painful and at times absolutely soul-crushing. And there’s only a few things you can do about it.

Sometimes, when a relationship ends, staying friends with that person sounds appealing. It also makes sense — your lives have been intertwined for a long time and it makes it easier to stay in contact and try to heal together. But this is one of the stupidest thing you can do. The only way to move on from someone you love is to not face that person anymore, in any capacity. Even if it isn’t forever, you need to remove them from your life. Otherwise, it will prolong every step of the mourning process — which you don’t want. Delete them from your phone to avoid drunken calls. Hide them from social media if they are avid posters and maintain distance from them in person. Go through your belongings and put everything that reminds you of them out of sight. You don’t have to throw it out, but put it elsewhere.

One of the hardest parts of a breakup is letting yourself feel it. No amount of alcohol or random sex will help, though it might temporarily numb the pain. Take some time, listen to sad music, eat ice cream and watch sad movies. And don’t be afraid to think about the relationship — it hurts but it’s an important part of the process. Also, don’t be hard on yourself if you slip up. Reaching out to your ex after a fresh breakup happens sometimes, but learn from the regret, forgive yourself and don’t do it again.

Take some time to be single. After being in a relationship, being single can feel like learning to walk again. Don’t worry about when to start dating or going out. Reach out to your support system and get back into old hobbies. You’ll be amazed at how many things you forgot you loved because you put so much of yourself into your relationship. Be busy, but let yourself feel.

A broken heart is a universally awful experience. If you’re reading this with one, I feel for you. Take it one day at a time. Some days will hurt less and eventually you will wake up and the thought of that person won’t be your first of the day. One day, you will feel okay again. You’ll get there.