Despite allegations of sleeping on the job, rampant gambling and mud-slinging, the Gauntlet stumbled drunkenly through another Tier II election.
At the helm of the Academic Probation section next year will be Andrew "The Red" Ross, whose Viking army won a commanding victory over Kyle Siler.
"I promise a year of pillaging, followed by raiding, and then laughter," he said. "Yes, you will laugh or I will PIRGe you."
In response, a quiet "Arrrgh..." from Siler was heard over the victory pyres.
James "Bumble Buzz" Keller will be grooving to the tunes next year as Buzz editor as he defeated Bo Rhodes.
"James is next year's Buzz editor. -James"
Rhodes was last seen with Obsolete Old Man, heading to pasture in West Campus.
"I know I'm old but it's better than becoming glue," lamented Rhodes.
The sporting Ryan Laverty won a solid victory over Rajiv in Sports.
"It was a solid victory," he said. "I think I performed solidly throughout the campaign, and it will be a solid year."
Sailor Moon and The Little Mermaid fans will be disappointed as Alison "One L" Gowling usurped Craig Norman as Illustrations Editor.
"On the editing test, I didn't draw enough naked flesh, and Craig was disappointed with my performance," said Gowling.
Tux would be proud of Вen Li's webbed feat in taking over eG.
"I'm hoping to convert the entire office to Star Trek," slurred Li. "Then all the girls will flock to me since I'm the alpha geek in the office."
Li promptly left a trail of letters better known as a story.
Vacant for eight months, Features was resurrected by returning editor Nicole Kobie. She angrily responded to criticisms that she has never written a feature before.
"I've got it all figured out," Kobie proclaimed. "We're moving to the Bahamas and hiring child labour to work the paper and print on hemp."
Aaron Whitfield snapped up the Photo Editor position in a landslide victory despite the fact he's bound for Belize.
"You like the size of my equipment?" asked Whitfield.
Lawrence "Serum 111" Bailey will have 12 whole months to opine about his favourite subject: Nancy MacBeth.
"I can hardly wait to write all my 'I love Nancy' articles," said a gleeful Bailey. "I think she's the greatest."
Once again, Rajiv K. Sethi lost, showing that the Gauntlet has not drowned all of its sensibility in a pool of Malibu.