Irony is infinite

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Reports of the death of irony have been greatly exaggerated.

I'm not talking about the kind of irony you learned about in your high school English class. I'm talking about a style of humour referred to as "Gen-X irony" by the media in their erroneous reports of its death.

"Why did they do this?" you might
be asking yourself. "Is it not in times of great duress that our need for humour is

I cannot answer that question with any certainty. Perhaps they were misled by the many humour outlets--Academic Probation included--that clammed up in the wake of the World Trade Center attacks.

"Was it because the humour industry suddenly realized," you wonder, "that it had been wasting its time on something so insignificant?"

Dear simple reader, how do you make it through the day if your head is full of such ignorant notions? If we were ever going to realize the trivial nature of our pursuit, we would surely have done so long ago. The reason is much simpler: we may be a bunch of insensitive pricks but we are not totally without empathy. Allow me to explain with a parable. Making fun of your friend's klutzy nature is one thing. Taunting him after he trips and falls down a flight of stairs while his freshly broken femur protrudes through his leg, is another matter entirely.

"But," you ask, "if irony is not dead, then why weren't you making light of other goings-on in the world? Surely Michael Jordan's latest return to the National Basketball Association was a ripe target?"

Dear reader, you sure ask some dumb questions. Were you even paying attention? Do you think our parabolic friend wants to hear you make fun of Michael Jordan as he writhes in agony?

"Okay," you concede. "The timing--oft referred to as the most important element of effective comedic delivery--would have been off. But why is it that Jon Stewart, the funniest of funny men himself, declared 'strategery is no longer a punchline'?"

In all honesty, both "strategery" and "subliminable" were getting old. This is just a timely and humane opportunity to put them down.

"So what you're saying is that irony is not dead?"

Essentially, yes. As long as there are classes, there will be class clowns. Hopefully, this whole fiasco will make you think twice about the veracity of the daily newspaper. Of course, weekly publications are still above reproach.