Academic Probation

New thing on U of C campus costs money

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Students at the University of Calgary were outraged to discover that the new thing that opened on campus recently costs money, according to a new report from some guy who heard about it.

Though no details have been released about the original projected cost, increase in cost or anything at all, three Facebook groups have already been made crying for president Elizabeth Cannon’s blood.

Gary Steeves, a fourth-year economics major and founder of the ‘SHOW ME MY MONEY CANNON, YOU LYING HARLOT!’ Facebook group is particularly upset. “My friend Greg showed me this thing that said the university bought a really expensive thing. I haven’t even seen this thing, but let’s fire people who make decisions,” said Steeves, whose Facebook group just reached 80,000 likes.

With student frustration at a peak, Students’ Union president Raphael Jacob shared his thoughts.

“As an advocacy organization, we want to address administration with student concerns while making sure we have all the information about this situation to make reasonable and informed decisions,” said Jacob, moments before being stabbed in the abdomen by a furious horde of geology majors.

Administration is expected to release an official statement regarding the new costs next week, immediately after everyone has stopped giving a shit.

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