Academic Probation

Student not sorry for the mass email

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Late Sunday evening, third-year political science student Desmond Fleece sent a mass email to his fellow students asking for last week’s notes. Fleece made no mention of feeling bad for bothering his peers.

“I just didn’t feel all that bad about it,” Fleece said. “I had to get my wisdom teeth out that day. How hard is it to copy and paste notes?”

The unapologetic email generated a whirlwind of controversy, landing Fleece in hot water with university administration.

"It’s simply unacceptable,” U of C president Elizabeth Cannon said in a press release. “Students who wish to send mass emails asking classmates for notes must first preface the email with an apology for having written the email.”

Many students are beginning to question Fleece’s excuse for missing the class in the first place.

“I’m pretty sure I saw that dude at Bake Chef during that class,” fellow slacker Nat Longfellow said.

Since Sunday, Fleece has received a large amount of hate mail from the U of C community and the city at large.

One email read, “I’m sooo sorry for having to send this email, I know how much people hate getting these things, but fuck you.”

Fleece has been placed on academic probation and has been banned from campus until his misconduct hearing in late April.

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