Academic Probation
Students prepare for their exam. This is their life now.
Louie Villanueva/the Gauntlet

U of C offers new 2048 class

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Sick and tired of your friends beating your scores on 2048? One University of Calgary professor may have the solution.

Cecil Quigley recently introduced a new class to teach students how to enrich their 2048 experience and feel superior to their friends.

2048 is the latest smartphone app tearing its way through the university campus. The game is played by combining numbered blocks until you create a 2048 block, or break down in tears and try again.

Quigley started the course to help students finish the game and get back to reality.

“I’ve seen students destroyed by this game,” Quigley said. “But I don’t want this course to ruin the fun aspects of it.”

The course structure will take a more competitive approach than the average class, with students competing for their marks.

“In each tutorial the students have to get to a certain score as quickly as possible, or reach the highest possible score before the time is up,” Quigley said. “I’ve structured the grading so that only a small portion of the students can get an A. I’ve even ordered a small trophy for the top student. The trophy is a bobblehead for added incentive.”

This competitive environment has received mixed reactions from the university, as security has been called several times to break up fights during lectures.

“We try our best to keep the students in check,” said Andrew Scott, a campus security guard. “But as soon as the first student yells ‘I figured it out!’ all hell breaks loose.”

Campus Security has responded to over 40 incidents in the past two weeks alone.

Some students found the app to be alarmingly easy, much to the scorn of their classmates.

“I don’t see how everyone has so much difficulty with the game,” said class asshole Zachary Florentin. “You just need to build a hierarchy of numbers. It’s so simple. You just need to be in the proper meditative trance to see the patterns.”

The course has quickly taken over the participants’ lives. Students are camping out in the halls and skipping class, clustered around power outlets, bent on beating the game and getting an A.

“It’s utter madness,” said U of C president Elizabeth Cannon. “The entire university is being destroyed by a single game. Most of the students and even some of the professors have stopped working entirely.”

With finals week around the corner, Quigley said he is excited to see how students will react to his exam.

“The exam will be a timed completion of the puzzle, but it won’t be simple,” Quigley said. “Students will have to finish the game while running through a maze of obstacles and avoiding each other. Only the first five students to complete the puzzle will get an A+.”

The Students’ Union has announced that the Health and Wellness Centre will have a booth outside the testing room available for students before and after the exam. The pressure is so intense that some have already cracked.

“The game consumes your life, once you start you can’t think of anything else,” said second-year engineering student Carmen Duncanson. “A few of my classmates have gone mad, just reciting number patterns over and over. They’re obsessed with the game.”

In light of the recent popularity of the game, the SU has cancelled Bermuda Shorts Day, which is to be replaced by 2048 Day.

“After talking to the student body I’ve decided to change the event,” said vice-president student life Ben Cannon. “It seems everyone wants to play 2048 instead of drink on their last day of classes.”

Instead of beer gardens, lot 32 will be filled with beanbag chairs and power outlets, so students can simply sit and play 2048 all day instead of interacting with one another.

The app is available for iPhone and Android for anyone looking to ruin their lives.

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