Tagged humour

Super Bowl 50 horoscopes

By Melanie Woods, February 2 2016 — Aquarius  (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) You will miss the train, go grab a coffee and then just barely miss the next train. This must be what Cleveland Browns fans feel like on draft day.  Pisces  (Feb. 19 – March 20) You will be invited to play in…

University of Calgary offers class on successful sex in a failing economy

By Melanie Woods, January 28 2016 — In response to Alberta’s crumbling economy, the University of Calgary will offer a new course on staying intimate with your partner despite desperate economic times. The course, titled “ECON 411: Bear markets in the bedroom” will be taught by economics professor and self-proclaimed sex-haver Dick Jameson. “Sex is…

Talk about sex with your girlfriend’s dad

By Sebastian Cox, January 28 2016 — When navigating a new relationship, one of the biggest roadblocks is spending time with your partner’s parents — particularly their dad. He may believe you’re unfit to date his precious child, or maybe he just resents you for being a manifestation of his offspring’s transition to the cruel…

Study proves train emoji most sexual of all emojis

By Melanie Woods, January 28 2016 — In a recent study by the Institute for Emotive Communication, the emoji depicting a classic choo-choo train was revealed to be the most sexual of all emojis. The study analyzed the responses of 6,900 participants. Head researcher Chad Throbson wasn’t surprised by the results. “Nothing gets me going…

Your future is super sensual

By Joie Atejira, January 28 2016 — Aquarius  (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Your hotline’s going to bling, and it will be the booty call you’ve been waiting for.  Pisces  (Feb. 19 – March 20) Don’t forget to remind your roommate not to drop by you and your friend’s “study session” tomorrow night. Aries  (March…

The top four people you shouldn’t talk about sex with

By Jill Girgulis, January 26 2016 — With the Students’ Union’s annual Sex Week upon us, students are encouraged to have frank discussions about sex. However, it’s hard to know who to talk with about sex and who to avoid. Some people lead to scintillating conversations, while others to awkward encounters. But for everyone’s sake,…

So your bus driver is 5,000 bees in a trench coat

By Melanie Woods, January 21 2016 — We’ve all been there. It’s 5:00 p.m. and you’re cruising down Crowchild Trail on Route 9. It was a long day at school and you really just want to go home, microwave a frozen pizza and start writing that big paper you have due. That’s when you pull…

Five new year’s resolutions we know you won’t keep

By Derek Baker, January 19 2016 — I will eat better: Apparently, french-fries smothered in gravy and cheese aren’t considered “healthy.” This year, instead of indulging in fat-loaded meals from MacHall, consider waking up a little bit earlier to pack a lunch. Sure, you might lose precious minutes of sleep, but a ZipLock® bag filled…

Your future rhymes

By Melanie Woods, January 19 2016 —   Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) You will be approached by a stranger in gold who will fuck you over and give you a cold. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) While listening to your favourite radio podcast, you’ll remember that every moment could be your last….

Five unique spots to study on the U of C campus

By Jill Girgulis, January 19 2016 — Now that the new semester is underway, study spaces fill up at an alarming rate. Unless you want to sit on an uncomfortable wicker cube for eight hours, the TFDL is no use. And the few familiar study spaces around campus fill up faster than the Tim Horton’s…

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