Tagged satire

Opinions on festive drink destroy life-long friendship

By Evan Lewis, November 23 2017 — With eggnog popping up on store shelves, it’s no surprise that a rise in eggnog-related incidents is already sweeping the nation. In a shocking public outburst, lifelong friends Natalie Winger and Lydia Bukhari announced the immediate termination of their friendship over a disagreement on the quality of the controversial…

Premature Christmas celebrations cause kerfuffle

By Devin Aggarwal, November 23 2017 — The annual war on Christmas reached new levels of severity this week, as members of the Union against early Christmas Plans (UCP) retaliated against the Nativity Decorators Protectorate (NDP) for their continued promotion of the practice of putting up Christmas decorations before Dec. 1. The retaliation took the…

Students’ Union meeting full of clowns

By Matt Hume, October 31 2017 — In the spirit of Halloween, the Oct. 31 meeting of Students’ Legislative Council allowed members to participate in full costume. With only a few superheroes in attendance by the scheduled 6:30 p.m. start, quorum seemed unlikely until 15 SLC members in full clown attire filed out of a single…

New residence meal plan to consist solely of avocado toast

By Devin Aggarwal, October 24 2017 — University of Calgary Food Services announced last week their proposal for a new way to get students to eat healthier on campus while still getting the most for their money — a meal plan consisting entirely of avocado toast. The plan will cost $5,000 per semester and includes access to…

BREAKING NEWS: It’s hella windy outside

By Derek Baker, October 17 2017 — Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, Toto! It’s a twister! It’s a twister! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa   This article is part of our humour section.

Coca-Cola change causes chaos on campus

By Drew Thomas, October 12 2017 — The University of Calgary announced last week that they were switching their exclusive cold beverage provider from Pepsi to Coca-Cola. The fallout of this fateful decision is expected to be more explosive than a diet cola bottle full of Mentos. The decision to switch vendors polarized campus creating two…

Ultra-low-cost airline “Eastjet Dive” to offer transatlantic flights on crop-dusters

By Devin Aggarwal, October 4 2017 — No-frills airline Eastjet announced the launch of its ultra-low-cost service “Eastjet Dive” today, promising customers low-cost tickets for international flights. Dive hopes to lower ticket prices by 75 per cent without sacrificing the company’s renowned customer service. “Our new fleet will include legacy aircraft, certified through the test of…

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