Tagged satire

Hydroponic grow-op discovered in plant biology department

By Derek Baker, October 3 2017 — Some student researchers in the University of Calgary’s plant biology program have been pursuing a slightly different form of higher education. After receiving an anonymous tip — and observing smokey haze emanating from the basement of Biological Sciences — Campus Security has shut down an extensive on-campus hydroponic cannabis…

Student falls asleep on CTrain, wakes up in new dimension

By Evan Lewis, September 27 2017 — Commuting to the University of Calgary can be a long and tedious experience, particularly for those travelling from the city’s outer suburbs. Even minor technical difficulties can extend the journey significantly. However, first-year student Sayid Sarraf’s commute was extended indefinitely when his train slipped through the seams of…

U of C to bulldoze MacHall to make way for new Flames arena

By Devin Aggarwal, September 27 2017 — After months of failed negotiations with the City of Calgary, the Calgary Flames are finally getting a new arena. The arena comes with a $500-million price tag and is slated to be built on the University of Calgary campus where MacHall currently stands. “We had such limited success with…

Zipper-worshiping cult discovered on campus

By Frankie Hart, September 26 2017 — Last Friday, a student who has been missing for several semesters was discovered bloodied and bruised under the Prairie Chicken. The student has requested their personal details be omitted and that they be referred to only as “Disciple Zippy.” Zippy claims to have escaped from a group called…

Calgary installs new $1.2-million invisible public art piece

By Devin Aggarwal, September 21 2017 — Calgary city council came under fire again this week after revealing a new piece of public art purchased for the downtown core. The project, conceptualized by Moldovan new-age artist Clara Fischer and titled “Winter in Prairie,” cost the city 1.2 million. It is completely invisible. “The sculpture embodies the…

Lost first-year student still stranded on campus

By Joie Atejira, September 19 2017 — Getting lost on campus as a confused first-year is nothing new. However, one University of Calgary freshman, who requested to remain anonymous due to the possible ridicule and shame, has not been able to find his way to his next class — or even his way home — since the…

D2L to introduce photo stories

By Derek Baker, April 24 2017 — Sharing everyday moments just got a little bit easier. Inspired by the recent additions to Facebook Messenger and Instagram, Desire2Learn will now include a photo sharing feature called D2LStoriez. “We thought it was about time students and professors were able to share 10-second selfies or videos showing just…

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