Tagged satire

Calgary Transit to replace all routes with dog sleds

By Devin Aggarwal, February 15 2018  — The City of Calgary is getting a much-needed upgrade to its transit network for rest of the winter. Following the success of a recent pilot program, city council decided Monday to replace many of the bus and LRT routes currently in place by several dog sled teams.   The teams,…

Student raises awareness about severity of nut allergies

By Matty Hume, February 6 2018 — University of Calgary student Jeff Kommen has recently come forward with his daily battles with a life-threatening nut allergy. The severe allergy, which results in symptoms ranging from hives to anaphylactic shock, is unconventional, Kommen explained. “There’s a lot of misconceptions about nut allergies. Firstly, peanuts aren’t even…

TFDL temporarily closes after cryptocurrency mining accident

By Frankie Hart, January 31 2018 — A small electrical fire broke out this morning on the third floor of the Taylor Family Digital Library. After a brief investigation, staff discovered that the fire resulted from overheating computers that were being used in an extensive cryptocurrency mining operation. The cryptocurrency project was a combined effort…

Looting, rioting erupts on campus as Doomsday Clock ticks closer to midnight

By Devin Aggarwal, January 30 2017 — The usual air of understated indifference felt by students at the University of Calgary was shattered last Thursday following the advancement of the Doomsday Clock. The clock, which symbolizes how close the world is to an “apocalyptic midnight,” moved forward 30 seconds, bringing it to two minutes to…

U of C to literally charge an arm and a leg for parking

By Evan Lewis, January 25 2018 — The University of Calgary recently announced further changes to the cost of parking on campus during the most recent Board of Governors meeting. The price of on-campus parking in several lots will change from $7 to an actual arm or leg. “People are saying that we’ll be charging both…

Cannon on student debt: ‘Stop being poor’

By Tommy Osborne, January 19 2018 —  After facing several complaints that the University of Calgary’s tuition and fees are too high, U of C president Elizabeth Cannon released a statement advising students to stop being poor. The statement came after many students realized that financing tuition, textbooks and residence will literally drown them in debt…

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