Tagged wut

Very real astrological predictions

By Matty Hume, February 28 2018 — Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) Ahh, the fish month. You’ll be the first person on earth to actually buy a Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Ram rhymes with ham. Ham comes from pigs. I think you’re gonna get a pet pig this month….

Student falls asleep on CTrain, wakes up in new dimension

By Evan Lewis, September 27 2017 — Commuting to the University of Calgary can be a long and tedious experience, particularly for those travelling from the city’s outer suburbs. Even minor technical difficulties can extend the journey significantly. However, first-year student Sayid Sarraf’s commute was extended indefinitely when his train slipped through the seams of…

Zipper-worshiping cult discovered on campus

By Frankie Hart, September 26 2017 — Last Friday, a student who has been missing for several semesters was discovered bloodied and bruised under the Prairie Chicken. The student has requested their personal details be omitted and that they be referred to only as “Disciple Zippy.” Zippy claims to have escaped from a group called…

What trashy Buzzfeed quiz should you take next?

By Frankie Hart, September 19 2017 — It’s 3 a.m. and your alarm will ring in a few hours. You haven’t even started the paper that’s due at 9. Unfortunately, you’ve stumbled into an endless hole of Buzzfeed quizzes. You NEED to find out what Disney princess drawn as a fruit represents your soul. Little…

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