Illustration by Tricia Lim

These horoscopes will tell you what what will give you a scare this Halloween

By Hien Nguyen, October 9 2018 —

Libra

(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Capitalism.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You will fall into an accidentally unlocked office in the science buildings and discover what the psychology department is really doing with their funding.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

You will find out too late that all your friends perceive your Halloween costume as much more kinky than you intended it to be.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

Your professor found a place that sells chocolate in the shape of the letter F and is currently preparing for snarky students trick-or-treating at their offices.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Turns out your professor has a kid. Also turns out that your professor’s kid loves going trick-or-treating. Also turns out that your professor’s kid will just happen to find your house and as your professor will think it’s the perfect time to inquire about that paper you didn’t write.

Pisces

(Feb. 19 – March 20)

While wandering campus in a building that doesn’t seem to be on the map, you will find the top half of that statue by the EEEL building. Oh boy, it’s something.

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

You will soon find out that you were the only one who could see all the moth memes this whole time.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Don’t go in the Hunter Hub on Halloween. There might be some entrepreneurial candy there and I want to pivot it for myself.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

You know all those free pens you took from various booths around campus? It turns out they weren’t free after all — and someone’s coming to collect.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

You will soon discover a secret phobia of yours that has something to do with an upcoming presentation. And pipe cleaners.

Leo

(July 23 – Aug. 22)

If you’re tall, short people are scary. If you’re short, tall people are scary. Maybe people are just scary.

Virgo

(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Socialism.

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