Top five ways to pass your midterms

By Nada Salem, October 13 2015 —

Midterm season is back, and many students find themselves worrying about making it through those big tests. If the traditional advice of studying hard, doing your readings and going through practice questions doesn’t work for you, we have five easy tips to help you pass your midterms.

Call Mike Ross from the hit television show Suits : He may be a hotshot lawyer now, but he’s still the same Harvard-wannabe we all love. Just let him whiz through your textbook and you’re set to go. Keep in mind that Mike charges extra when Shakespeare’s involved.

Implant a microchip storing a copy of the textbook into your brain: It’s definitely a possibility that your brain will go haywire, but that shouldn’t stop you. Don’t worry about the surgical procedure, the blood, the piercing headaches, the paralysis — no pain, no gain.

Buy a Magic 8 Ball®: Rather than going all out for your exams, invest in something small and simple. It’s cheap, quick and reliable.
“Outlook not so good,” is the perfect answer to an essay question asking you to describe political reform in medieval Italy.

Travel back from the future: By the time science finally makes it possible, you will forget all about your exams. Or you’ll patiently wait for 70 years and actually come back to retake your midterms. If either works, your life was probably shit.

Use the supplies you bought: If you’re feeling sentimental, use that endless pile of blank index cards stacked away in your room to build the biggest fort you can to hide from all your responsibilities. Then, let the semester’s Highlighter Games begin.