By Melanie Bethune, October 30 2014 —
Whether you’re looking for a last-minute solution or you’re already planning ahead for next year, odds are you’ll want to show off your scariest costume at your next Halloween party or maybe you just like being scary all of the time.
Forget vampires and werewolves, the following six costumes are bound to evoke terror into the hearts of even the most fearless.
That obnoxious person on public transit: There are several variations of this fun and flirty look. Try the drunken Riders fan on the train, complete with no shirt, body paint, excessive intoxication and a rubber horse head. Or dress as the overly-friendly gentleman who makes conversation with everyone nearby. Try offering a half-eaten package of Sour Patch Kids and making sexually suggestive comments. Either way, you’ll be more repulsive than any zombie or bloody axe murderer.
Tuition increases: Put on your spiffiest administrative suit and take as much money from your friends as the government will allow. Explain to them that it’s necessary and that in some weird way it will actually help them.
Another Facebook status complaining about the weather: A few pieces of poster board and some printed screenshots will turn those annoying statuses from that kid in your calculus class into easy Halloween garb. A stale Game of Thrones reference or comment about how grateful we should be that it’s not -40 Celsius yet will be the icing on the cake. Brace yourselves.
A residence laundry room: Dress in drab white and clutch a few mismatched socks or an abandoned laundry basket. If anyone spills anything on their clothing, immediately take $2 from them and tell them that it’s for the wash. Then wait five minutes and then take another $2 from them for the dryer. Rinse and repeat as necessary.
A suburban mom at Wal-Mart on Boxing Day: A binder full of coupons, a venti latte in hand and a devilish fire in your eyes are all you really need for this one. Bonus points if you drag a small child around and periodically shout phrases like, “Tiffany, that Wii U isn’t going to be Wii-yours unless we get a move on!”
A failed Internet connection: Start speaking to people and stop halfway through a sentence. Stare at them blankly until they’re so uncomfortable they leave.