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Photo by Mariah Wilson

Student falls asleep on CTrain, wakes up in new dimension

By Evan Lewis, September 27 2017 —

Commuting to the University of Calgary can be a long and tedious experience, particularly for those travelling from the city’s outer suburbs. Even minor technical difficulties can extend the journey significantly. However, first-year student Sayid Sarraf’s commute was extended indefinitely when his train slipped through the seams of reality and into a realm between our dimension.

“I was exhausted,” Sarraf told the Gauntlet over the phone through a hissing static that grew louder as he spoke. “I do this commute every day and fall asleep sometimes. Usually I’ll wake up just before my stop. Today, I woke up at a station perched on nothingness in an endless black void. So that kind of sucks.”

Sarraf went on to describe the brooding, ethereal blip in space-time he now inhabits.

“It’s like other train stations, except the departures boards just have question marks and Egyptian hieroglyphics instead of destinations. There’s nobody blasting bad rap music from their portable speaker here, either,” he said.

Calgary Transit released an official statement to all students regarding Sarraf’s disappearance. The statement was tied to the legs of a flock of eyeless crows that swarmed campus.

“Oh yeah, he’s probably trapped in that unexplored space between this dimension and the next or something. We don’t really know why or how. We’re not scientists. We just run trains and stuff,” the statement read. “We definitely didn’t plan this as an elaborate sacrifice to our eldritch god. No way, man. No way.”

Most students were understandably confused and unnerved by this message and its method of delivery.

Some students suggested this occurrence may be linked to the ghastly tentacled creature recently seen working at the Unicard office. Sarah Li, a third-year student, described her encounter with the being.

“When it replaced my UPass sticker with a shard of obsidian that whispered secrets to me in my sleep, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it,” Li said. “I was glad to see the U of C hiring regardless of race, gender or how many sets of gnashing teeth someone has.”

When we attempted to reach the tentacled beast for comment, the Unicard office stated that “there is no such creature working with the office, nor has there ever been,” spoken in perfect unison from the mouths of several glazed-eyed employees.

Despite being stuck in transcendental reality without any physical incarnation, Sarraf still remained conscientious of his studies.

“Can you ask Jenna from my psych class to email me her notes from this morning? Oh, and tell my parents I love them and I’m sorry if I don’t come back from this place,” he said.

No one has heard from Sarraf since. Those wishing to offer their condolences to his family are asked to send donations to the Calgary Interdimensional Support Society.

 

This article is part of our humour section.

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