Courtesy Dennis Hill

What is your Christmas song?

By Gurman Sahota, November 29 2016 —

So you want a soundtrack to your holiday or you really want to blow off some much-needed exam studying. Either way, put your ugliest christmas sweater on and answer these questions to find the perfect holiday song for your holiday self.

When is the appropriate time to start decorating for the holidays?

Nov. 1 – you huddle beside your boxes upon boxes of tinsel and shiny things on the eve of Oct. 31 waiting for the clock to strike midnight at which time you will strike and make everything in your wake SuperFestive!
Never. You have a dark gothic aesthetic you must uphold in order to do so you mustn't allow yourself to be tinseled.
Dec 23 – shit, it’s Christmas, again? This year?
Dec. 1 – you get 23 days to make things generally more spirited for the holidays. That’s enough.

Which of the following best describes your season salutations?

“Happy holidays.”
“Season’s greetings.”
“Merry Christmas.”

What holiday specials do you binge-watch to get into the spirit?

How the Grinch Stole Christmas – the Jim Carrey version.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas – the cartoon version.
Claymation classics like ​Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Die Hard – the one time Bruce Willis had hair.

When do you think it’s appropriate to start talking politics?

When you bust through the door the day after finals end. LET’S MAKE CHRISTMAS GREAT AGAIN.
After I’ve had three drinks.
When my politically polarized aunt has had three drinks.
Once supper is finished and I don’t want to do the dishes.

When does that one relative who always tries to one-up you ask about your major?

As soon as they walk through the door, but you won this round because you arrived early and you’ll be damned if you lose now.
We all get along. No seriously, why does everyone keep asking that?
I don’t associate with family during this time of the year — I hide in my room.
As soon as you walk through the door – they’ve already been helping the family put the meal together like a good person.

What does that one relative that always tries to one-up you say about your major?

They agree with your choices and pass you the scalloped potatoes, moving onto another topic.
It’s like that scene in that one Tom Hanks movie – I’m the captain now.
It’s battle of the majors. It’s always been this way. And you will win.
A scoff. A singular scoff. A hush falls over the living room. You don’t even hear what they say, all you know is that you will crush the soul of the skull of your enemy and devour their soul.

At what point do you trade in your pumpkin spice latte for a peppermint mocha?

You know you can just order a mocha and ask for a pump of peppermint at any time of the year, right?
No seriously. PSL.
As soon as the cups change.
#PSL for life.

What is your Christmas song?

You Got:


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