(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
You’ll get no sleep the night before an 8 a.m. lecture and the line for Tim Hortons will be larger than the bags under your eyes.
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
You pulled an all-nighter studying, doing shots of 5-Hour Energy and cramming flashcards into your memory. However, your midterm was actually yesterday and you missed it. Nice job.
(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
After being forced to change your myUCalgary password because it expired, you’ll immediately forget it. You won’t be able to log-in to the school’s WiFi for the entire semester.
(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
Someone reminding you that Shrek 5 doesn’t come out until 2019 will be the final straw. You’ll burst out into tears in the middle of your lecture.
(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
You spent six hours on a biology lab and forgot to save the document. When your laptop runs out of power, you’ll set the whole thing on fire.
(Feb. 19 – March 20)
You will unironically listen to Jake Paul. Nice try, but we all know that Canada is your city.
(March 21 – April 19)
Your VPN changer will stop working, so you’ll be stuck watching Canadian Netflix instead of the far-superior American selections.
(April 20 – May 20)
You’ll come to the realization that somebody actually gave birth to that guy who jumped up on a McDonald’s countertop and shouted, “I’m Pickle Rick!”
(May 21 – June 20)
While watching hockey at home, the satellite signal will conk out just as the game goes into a shootout. Fuck you, Shaw.
(June 21 – July 22)
You will find out the person you’ve been hitting up on Tinder is actually your TA.
(July 23 – Aug. 22)
You failed the one midterm you actually studied for. You’ll end up lying on the floor contemplating your existence. It’s okay buddy — we’ve all been there.
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You’ll find out your crush uses Sensodyne instead of Colgate. You don’t need that shit in your life. Drop them.